Growing up in a Baptist church we always had a time for testimonies.  Every Sunday there was either an awkward silence because no one felt bold enough to share, a gushy emotional outpouring from someone you never heard speak before, or our church had a steady testifier who would often conclude his sharing with an an acapella rendition of "there is power in the blood".  I technically don’t go to a Baptist church anymore, but I was asked to share my testimony in church last Sunday.  It’s been a long time since I shared my heart in public like that.  To ease my insomnia, I thought I would share it here. 

 

This is a neatly packaged story for the sake of the reader.  Just know that for every great thing God has done in my life there have been times of extreme doubt and desert that have molded me into the woman of faith that I am.

 

Growing up I had parents who demonstrated compassion for the marginalized in society.  My dad was always picking up the drug addicts, psych patients, and "bad kids" from Camden to bring them to church.  At a very young age I was exposed to the sights, smells, and messyness of having relationships with those in poverty.  I witnessed the grace needed to cover the interactions of broken people (like my family) reaching out to other broken people.  The church we attended had a strong emphasis on evangelism and there were constantly missionaries coming from all over the world to share their stories and pictures of their ministries.  I distinctly remember one night, when I was in elementary school, listening to a missionary speak.  I was staring past their face at the wall where two half globes were mounted.  One depicted the western hemisphere which read “GO YE INTO”, and the other depicted the eastern hemisphere which read “ALL THE WORLD”.  I thought to myself, I want to go wherever God takes me, but I don’t want to leave my family. 

 

Over the years God developed a fear within me; a fear of not risking everything to follow God.   What would I miss if I held onto relationships, and possessions above and beyond the call of God?  This fear has brought me to a place that desires to work to alleviate spiritual and material poverty in this world.  I know that I’m never going to change the whole world, and I’m never going to eradicate poverty.  I also know that it is the role I have been made to take on in this world.  Global poverty is a completely overwhelming topic to even think about, let alone work against.  However, as part of the kingdom of God, it is a role that not only functions to serve people in need, but also support others within the body of Christ.  Christ tells us the battle has already been won, and he has defeated death.  As a follower of Christ I have to believe that death has been defeated and I am continuing the work which God has already begun.  I will go wherever he leads.

This summer I have resolved to use every ounce of my time outside of work to enjoy the presence of people in my life and have fun.  Yesterday I did just that.  I went to the beach with a couple good friends, one I had not seen since college.  The world of technology has kept us all connected, so it was as if we never skipped a beat.  The sand was scorching hot, but the water was the perfect temperature free of jelly fish or excess seaweed.  After a long day of sun, I drove an hour and a half home with plans of a quick dinner so I could be off again to hang out with those who call themselves "the cougars".  (Yes, my 20-something guy friends call themselves the cougars).  Just as I was about to unlock the door to my apartment my 70 something neighbor popped her head out the door and invited me in.  I had been meaning to talk to her, but I guess in my mind this conversation would happen on a Sunday afternoon when I had nowhere to be, not at 7:30 on a Saturday night. 

 

Without outward hesitation I went in, and took a seat knowing this was going to last a good hour.  I do enjoy talking to her and I am moving out in a week, so it was probably my last chance to spend time with her.  Well one hour turned into two, so I got up and started to say my goodbyes.  Would you believe we stood infront of the door talking for another hour? It was as if she didn’t want me to leave because she thought she would never see me again. 

 

The whole conversation made me wish I could meet her family, because I know so much about each one of them at this point.  From her sons, to their present and ex-wives, to her granddaughter and of course I learned a lot about her grandson (which I believe had some alterior motives because she did ask me why I was single). 

 

After leaving, I caught up with my friends and they somehow had guessed I was hours late because I was spending time with an elderly woman.  I believe one asked me "were you rubbing epsom salts on the feet of your old-lady friend?"  The funny thing is they were referring to another woman I know!  Don’t worry I don’t touch anyone’s feet, but this all makes me take a good look at myself.  Am I an old soul seeking wisdom?  A glutton for listening to other people speak?  Too nice to leave? Maybe I’m just that interested in the life lived and roles played by women.  Probably a little bit of all these things.  Regardless, I’m glad I took the time to stop.

Last time I brought my blog back to life I was experiencing the growing pains of adjusting to life after college and a summer of volunteering in India.  I was still adjusting to living under my parents roof and working at my first big girl job where I had nothing but idle time on my hands.  I was questioning if I would be able to retain any of the ideals I had gained from years in the ivory tower.  This time I am reviving the blog after an incredible trip to Uganda where the fog was cleaned off the lense of my dreams.  They feel so much closer than ever before.  I feel stronger and ready.  I feel like I have some kind of skill to take with me.  Prior to my trip I worked two jobs for six months straight and lost sight of myself outside the pain of the youth I work with.   Since I’ve returned home I have taken a week of no studies and pure socialization outside of work. With the stress off my back my creative writing juices are slowly bubbling to the surface.