April 7, 2011
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:29 pm by shantiyatra
I have been reading job postings, researching organizations, completing applications, and asking people to be my reference for positions since last August. Of course there were lulls where I focused more on my present life than a future positions, but seriously, what’s the problem?!?!? Dear future employer, where ever you are in the universe be assured that I am an extremely hard working, compassionate, over-educated, and motivated worker. I’m motivated, but don’t worry, I will have the patience to navigate your culture, respect your ways, learn some of your language, and love your people. I get that the electric will go out, that there will be unnecessary bureaucracy, that I will have spiders in my shower and have to boil my drinking water. I know I’ll get home sick, I’ll have a lot of rediculous restrictions being a woman and it’s going to be hard, but I have calculated these risks. I have faced them before, and I will face them again. I can only sit on the sidelines and read about a topic for so long, I need to jump in now. I just want to get my foot in the door of development!
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April 5, 2011
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:54 am by shantiyatra
Sometimes this feeling bubbles up inside of me where I just want to say out loud, “I LOVE PEOPLE.” Really, I do.
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February 7, 2011
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:28 am by shantiyatra
Five years ago I found myself in the midst of what was supposed to be the most amazing adventure I had ever been on, and I was completely miserable. The fact that I was down gave me all the more reason to kick myself because I was supposed to be having the time of my life. Truth be told, I was shaken to my core and pretty lost as to what I believed about the world. All the beliefs I inherited were torn away from me. In attempt to gain some peace, I went outside to stare at the night sky. As I was sitting outside it was cloudy and there was a patch of clouds backlit by the moon. A moment passed and moon broke through the clouds shining down relatively birght for the moon. That moment instilled a sense of peace that I was going to get through my situation and be better for it.
Since then, the moon serves as a peaceful reminder. It’s pretty appropriate too. The moon doesn’t really harm anything, it just serves as a little night light. No skin cancer, sun burn, or blindness to offer. So tonight when I heard my care will cover you just like the moon sung by a folk artist, I was reminded of my moment of spiritual assurance.
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August 4, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:17 pm by shantiyatra
Today I received a phone call informing me that a teenager, who I got to know fairly well at my first job, died. It was completely shocking. Less than a year ago I was sitting at a table playing checkers with him as we discussed politics and his desire to become an archeologist. He still had a year left of High School. He was a little eccentric and somewhat of a misfit, but he had brains, passion, and was just crazy enough that he could have been some kind of positive catalyst or an anarchist. He was walking to the mall with his ipod on and got hit by a car. Apparently his viewing was yesterday. It’s like I found this out in a vaccuum and there is nowhere to respond.
A crucial piece of this story concerns the messenger of this news. A kid who would also play checkers, went to the teen center looking for me in order to inform me of his friend’s passing. He commented that I "really knew him". Now this was especially surprising, because this guy was extremely quiet, shy, not exactly the most intelligent and would concede to an uno game with me only after I convinced him it would be fun. As quiet as he was, he was observing more than I realized.
I suppose this is my response of grief.
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July 26, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:21 am by shantiyatra
Growing up in a Baptist church we always had a time for testimonies. Every Sunday there was either an awkward silence because no one felt bold enough to share, a gushy emotional outpouring from someone you never heard speak before, or our church had a steady testifier who would often conclude his sharing with an an acapella rendition of "there is power in the blood". I technically don’t go to a Baptist church anymore, but I was asked to share my testimony in church last Sunday. It’s been a long time since I shared my heart in public like that. To ease my insomnia, I thought I would share it here.
This is a neatly packaged story for the sake of the reader. Just know that for every great thing God has done in my life there have been times of extreme doubt and desert that have molded me into the woman of faith that I am.
Growing up I had parents who demonstrated compassion for the marginalized in society. My dad was always picking up the drug addicts, psych patients, and "bad kids" from Camden to bring them to church. At a very young age I was exposed to the sights, smells, and messyness of having relationships with those in poverty. I witnessed the grace needed to cover the interactions of broken people (like my family) reaching out to other broken people. The church we attended had a strong emphasis on evangelism and there were constantly missionaries coming from all over the world to share their stories and pictures of their ministries. I distinctly remember one night, when I was in elementary school, listening to a missionary speak. I was staring past their face at the wall where two half globes were mounted. One depicted the western hemisphere which read “GO YE INTO”, and the other depicted the eastern hemisphere which read “ALL THE WORLD”. I thought to myself, I want to go wherever God takes me, but I don’t want to leave my family.
Over the years God developed a fear within me; a fear of not risking everything to follow God. What would I miss if I held onto relationships, and possessions above and beyond the call of God? This fear has brought me to a place that desires to work to alleviate spiritual and material poverty in this world. I know that I’m never going to change the whole world, and I’m never going to eradicate poverty. I also know that it is the role I have been made to take on in this world. Global poverty is a completely overwhelming topic to even think about, let alone work against. However, as part of the kingdom of God, it is a role that not only functions to serve people in need, but also support others within the body of Christ. Christ tells us the battle has already been won, and he has defeated death. As a follower of Christ I have to believe that death has been defeated and I am continuing the work which God has already begun. I will go wherever he leads.
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July 25, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:59 am by shantiyatra
This summer I have resolved to use every ounce of my time outside of work to enjoy the presence of people in my life and have fun. Yesterday I did just that. I went to the beach with a couple good friends, one I had not seen since college. The world of technology has kept us all connected, so it was as if we never skipped a beat. The sand was scorching hot, but the water was the perfect temperature free of jelly fish or excess seaweed. After a long day of sun, I drove an hour and a half home with plans of a quick dinner so I could be off again to hang out with those who call themselves "the cougars". (Yes, my 20-something guy friends call themselves the cougars). Just as I was about to unlock the door to my apartment my 70 something neighbor popped her head out the door and invited me in. I had been meaning to talk to her, but I guess in my mind this conversation would happen on a Sunday afternoon when I had nowhere to be, not at 7:30 on a Saturday night.
Without outward hesitation I went in, and took a seat knowing this was going to last a good hour. I do enjoy talking to her and I am moving out in a week, so it was probably my last chance to spend time with her. Well one hour turned into two, so I got up and started to say my goodbyes. Would you believe we stood infront of the door talking for another hour? It was as if she didn’t want me to leave because she thought she would never see me again.
The whole conversation made me wish I could meet her family, because I know so much about each one of them at this point. From her sons, to their present and ex-wives, to her granddaughter and of course I learned a lot about her grandson (which I believe had some alterior motives because she did ask me why I was single).
After leaving, I caught up with my friends and they somehow had guessed I was hours late because I was spending time with an elderly woman. I believe one asked me "were you rubbing epsom salts on the feet of your old-lady friend?" The funny thing is they were referring to another woman I know! Don’t worry I don’t touch anyone’s feet, but this all makes me take a good look at myself. Am I an old soul seeking wisdom? A glutton for listening to other people speak? Too nice to leave? Maybe I’m just that interested in the life lived and roles played by women. Probably a little bit of all these things. Regardless, I’m glad I took the time to stop.
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July 20, 2010
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:52 am by shantiyatra
Last time I brought my blog back to life I was experiencing the growing pains of adjusting to life after college and a summer of volunteering in India. I was still adjusting to living under my parents roof and working at my first big girl job where I had nothing but idle time on my hands. I was questioning if I would be able to retain any of the ideals I had gained from years in the ivory tower. This time I am reviving the blog after an incredible trip to Uganda where the fog was cleaned off the lense of my dreams. They feel so much closer than ever before. I feel stronger and ready. I feel like I have some kind of skill to take with me. Prior to my trip I worked two jobs for six months straight and lost sight of myself outside the pain of the youth I work with. Since I’ve returned home I have taken a week of no studies and pure socialization outside of work. With the stress off my back my creative writing juices are slowly bubbling to the surface.
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November 16, 2009
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:15 pm by shantiyatra
There is a problem when a person or a group of people use scripture to justify their sin rather than allowing themselves to be convicted and corrected.
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September 30, 2009
Posted in Uncategorized at 4:16 pm by shantiyatra
It’s September 30th and it’s hard to believe this month has passed by already. Tomorrow it will be one year since I returned home from India and moved back into my parents’ house. Tomorrow I will also be moving out on my own. This past month I spent a lot of time preparing for the move. I painted the room I’m moving into a couple times and I’m finally satisfied with how it turned out, and I’m finally settled about moving out.
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August 22, 2009
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:48 pm by shantiyatra
I remember reading a newspaper article in December 2004 written by a reporter covering the aftermath of the tsunami that hit Southeast Asia. He made the statement that his job was to connect stories to the number of casualties so that readers would have an understanding of the devastation. He definitely did his job well, because after reading his article I felt a compulsion to go. I realized it was a significant moment in global history, and I wanted to be a part of it. I didn’t necessarily believe that I would make an impact on these people, but I wanted to respond somehow.
Five years later I’m still remembering this journalist. His words usually come to mind whenever I have the temptation to dismiss a story with low-numbered casualties. Today I’m reminded of him as I write an essay explaining why I’m a good candidate for a program in economic development. I think in my studies in psychology, and now possibly in economics, one duty will still remain; connecting the human story to numbers. To effectively use statistics it is important to be mindful they quantify the human experience and those humans are people too.
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